GOD DANGIT JACK I SWEAR TO GOD
GOD DANGIT JACK I SWEAR TO GOD
Cases: NO TIME FOR REAL CASES. THERE’S PORN ON THE HORIZON. (Either story begins just after a case, or incorporates a few legit-sounding details.)
Anderson: Not usually in story but inevitably mentioned with appropriate scorn.
Mycroft: Usually either very for or very against…
Atlin nails it as usual. :)
Fic: Long Time Coming
Mike Stamford’s an easy-going guy. And though he doesn’t feel a strong draw to cross-dressing, he’s fond of polite people who plan parties for his friends.
So Mike said yes to the frothy number in green silk, but the tiara? Well that was another story…
Oh, thank God, Atlin has updated this.
AND NOW WE NEED FANART OF THAT LAST DRESS.
This may possibly get me in trouble.
Writers are always daring each other into things. And / or taking the dares. I remember David Gerrold doing this one time — someone else had dared him to write a single-sentence SF story, and he came up with this:
“Buzz Aldrin stared in astonishment at the bug spots on the windshield of the Lunar Lander.”
So… okay. I was wandering about in the Johnlock again (it happens…) and suddenly the thought came to me: “What would be the shortest Johnlock fic it would be possible to write?”
One sentence? Two? Hmm. Maybe I’ll leave that to someone else. I invite all other interested parties to take a crack at The Shortest.
But here’s my take:
“Sherlock, please. …Want to fuck?”
“Oh God yes.”
:) (and sidling gently out of shot…)
(Afterthought: the above is [I just realized] a restatement of the kickoff / theme joke of Eric Berne’s groundbreaking textbook in transactional analysis, What Do You Say After You Say “Hello”?. [If you’re checking the link, don’t let the cover fool you: this is an erudite and technical work which is also written in very accessible language, a fact which has caused some people to dismiss it as pop psych. It’s nothing of the kind.] …Anyway, trust me to go straight back to basics at 1:30 in the morning….)
Why aren’t there drive-throughs for fanfiction though?
“Can I help you?”
“Yes, I’d like a modern “pretend boyfriends” AU, no dub-con, add frottage, please.”
“Would you like a happy ending with that?”
“And for length?”
“Oh, a 50k-er, please.”
“Will do, please pull around to the first window.”
(heh) “Quarter-plotter, please, slow burn instead of charcoal-grilled, heavy on the happy ending but don’t overdo the fluff.”
“Garnishes on that?”
“Abashed Self-Underestimating BAMF alternating with Best Analytical Mind On Earth Can Deduce Everybody Else From Space But Can’t Understand What’s Going On Inside The Guy Who Just Handed Him His Tea. Mental four-door farce if you’ve got some, no dubcon and for God’s sake don’t forget the humor with that.”
“Right. Chips with that?”
“Hedgehog flavor, ta.”
(input noises) “We’re having a special on Not Really Dead Criminal Mastermind with Codependent Pet Sniper sauce — “
“Not for me, thanks, the sauce is kind of a one-shot really. Claims it’s going to burn the heart out of you but it’s only ever seen a chili from a couple thousand yards.”
“Dessert? Special this week on frozen Vanilla WIPs, two for one.”
“No thanks, watching the waistline at the moment.”
“Something to drink?”
“PG Tips, Typhoo or Yorkshire?”
“Uh, you have Lyons?”
(turns away from speaker) “Mike, we got Lyons? Yeah?” (back to speaker) “Yeah.”
Breath is sucked in at the other end. “Oooooh. Kinky.”
“Sounds funny coming from the people running the MAKE MINE MOAR MPREG promotion…”
“Uh, yeah, sorry about that, long shift…”
“Hey, no problem, I know how it is.”
“Thanks. Drive round and give us a few minutes extra for the ice.”
Do you ever wonder what John wanted to say in this scene from The Reichenbach Fall:
Therapist: The stuff that you wanted to say. But didn’t say it… Say it now.
Watson: Well… I’m sorry, I can’t.
Because I do.
Leaving that aside: I nearly threw something at the TV the first time I saw this. The responsible psychotherapist does not attempt to coach or push his or her client into statements they’re not ready to make.
Mycroft was right: this woman should have been fired in the first series. Pity John never got around to it.
I had this around somewhere…
This is one of the most adorable things EVER.
Why is there not a fanfic about this? A Little Nemo-ish fanfic with Sherlock and John in Dreamland and the teapot killing John’s unicorn.
…Don’t anyone look at ME. I’m busy here. … Yeah. Busy. :)
Sherlock hanging all over John at Tesco. Maybe deducing/insulting one of the cashiers
that’s really cute omg
what is that face even lmao
“It’s Something For The Weekend, John.”
(OH REAPERSUN. What. The. HECK.) :)
COULD IT BE?????
Nope. It’s a fake: he’s repudiated it. (Also, why would he ever spell “favourite” that way?)
Gah! What the—! *Briefly perishes*
(Oh dear heavenly god I didn’t notice the quills. Sticking through John’s coat. *Perishing afresh*)
I think the phrase “I can’t even…” is probably appropriate here. It’s as if Beatrix Potter shipped them.
(wanders off, shaking head)